When the pandemic began, I was twenty years old and had plans to graduate from college early. I was working on projects that were interesting and important to me, updating my portfolio, and going out on weekends. Needless to say I was excited for true adulthood to begin. A year ago this month that all changed entirely. I celebrated my twenty-first birthday during the height of quarantine, I pushed my early graduation off, and my excitement for the work I was doing dwindled. My anticipation for the next chapter of my life suddenly turned to fear and anxiety, and I fixated on whether this new chapter would be meaningful or not. However, I tried to remain hopeful that by the time I graduated the country would be pieced back together.
Next month I turn twenty-two and there still isn’t any definitive timeline for when life will be back to how it used to be. The following month is when I’m set to graduate, and the fears haven’t gotten any better. My nerves are shot from overthinking my LinkedIn profile and anxiously applying to jobs. My last semester of school is closing in on me quickly and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. There isn’t a guide to adulthood, it’s a shot in the dark especially during such unprecedented times. Recently, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around being done with school and leaving my college life behind. I’ve decided that if there isn’t a guide to transitioning from one chapter to another during a pandemic, I’ll write my own. I’m exhausted and annoyed that I’ve let the deep fear of the unknown control my thoughts. I should be embracing it, taking one step at a time into the darkness and trying to find the light. So while my college years come to a close, I’m just trying to do my best to carve a new pathway into my twenties without any expectations or fears.